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Despite all this, in the mids he entered seminary after graduating from college. He found himself constantly subjected to psychological evaluations and denied the usual summer assignments. Fearing his teenage testimony against an abuser was blocking his ordination, he quit to become a critical-care nurse. But he still felt called to the church and eventually tried seminary again.
He was ordained three years later. I told him most people would find this story bizarre, masochistic even. It is in that context of nurse to patient, pastor to flock, that today he manages his conflicts as a gay priest. Most of the gay priests I spoke with have never experienced abuse in the church. Many had already come to terms with their sexual orientation before they entered the priesthood, but some wrestled with it in the seminary, and others later in life.
But I had people in charge of me who challenged me to ask myself if this were authentic, and I felt that this was the life and work that God was calling me to. You need to accept yourself. In college, Andrew sought out more treatment, and then, suddenly, his father died. It threw him. I had started praying again and attending Mass. It was there that Andrew had his first adult sexual experience. I came out as bisexual. He took a leave of absence, spent six months in prayer and therapy, and when he returned, he sent an explanatory email to his fellow priests: The breakthrough came suddenly.
It has become a double stigma: Many of the people I spoke to, Catholics and non-Catholics, about the subject of gay priests rolled their eyes and asked about the abuse of children. The news environment is saturated with stories about sex abuse — and rightly so — yet there are hardly any public examples of the overwhelming number of gay priests who would never dream of preying upon the powerless. Many good gay priests, of course, fail from time to time, breaking celibacy in consensual adult affairs or trysts.
They are not saints. But this is true of straight priests as well. These men are still sexual beings, flesh and blood.